I don’t think that I have a soul that’s really ever been at peace. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had moments of peace and solace in my life but that’s all they are; moments.
Being human is being a living contradiction, especially in the modern world. We use antiquated stories to shape our present day values. To suggest we re-examine those stories and how we wield them to create our laws and societal norms is someone how seen as blasphemous yet we accept so many modern technologies and conveniences that contradict those old value systems.
To question religion and its role in our modern world is still somehow seen by a large (and VERY vocal) segment as immoral and unethical. Our world and society does not make sense to me. I don’t normally think of myself as a depressed person but throughout the pandemic to see the consistent inhumanity of so many political figures, religious leaders, and everyday people (normies) is baffling. They pick and choose how they wield their faith, use it as a shield for abhorrent behavior but if I criticize them for it I’m considered some amoral freak.
I would love to challenge my views and value systems against theirs, especially those in the mega-church world. If I ran a church I would have a dedicated shelter space as well as extra cots for overflow capacity. I would figure out a way to have some sort of garden space to grow food for those in need. I would take the donations of the congregation and put them towards helping people the way Jesus would want us to.
Joel Osteen had to be publicly shamed into opening his church doors when there were floods and catastrophic freezes. This man is a fake. He is devoted to money, not god.
I don’t believe in the Christian god (I guess I’m agnostic?). I believe that there are many things we cannot explain about our existence and that’s why we’ve created religions over the centuries to explain the unexplainable (and controlling people!). I get that not knowing all the answers to our purpose is daunting and terrifying.
I have been grappling with the meaning of existence since I was a child and learning about the permanence of death at such a young age. How can a child fathom the concept of forever? I would lie in bed and think about being in an ethereal, heavenly state for forever and it just seemed so bizarre but yet we tell children about that because as adults we still don’t understand these concepts either.
So we lie to kids to make it easier on ourselves. What if we stopped doing that? What if we admitted we don’t know what happens to ourselves and that that’s ok? I don’t know the answers to what happens to us after we die. I think something happens. Energy has to go somewhere.
But the Christian version of heaven (or really any organized religion) isn’t the answer. If for some reason it is, the VAST MAJORITY of us are not going there (especially pious hypocrites like Marco Rubio). Too many people use their religion as a shield to persecute against others instead of help. We’re quick to condemn but not to help.
I want to help. I am by no means a saint. I am deeply flawed (and I can provide a very long list of references who would be willing to attest to that and probably provide very specific examples of my short-comings and fuck-ups). But I do think I have a more consistent scale of right and wrong. I’ve also been trying to be a much better human as I get older and atone for my past transgressions by writing and going to therapy (amongst other ways of self-improvement and growth).
I’ve been trying to better understand my anger as an adult and what triggers it. Hypocrisy is a big one. Religious hypocrisy and political hypocrisy get my brain racing and heart rate spiking (see Li’l Marco). I know so many smart people who I can have logical conversations with about any number of issues but the moment we start talking about religion they shut down and their brain stops using the same logic they utilize in every other facet of life.
Why are people so blind to their own deviations? There isn’t anything wrong with saying I don’t know what happens to us after we die (example: “I, George Kiefer III, do not know what happens to our soul’s after we die” but I’m on the search for logical answers and open to discussing ideas using all currently available information). I like that I’m curious about this and open to differing philosophies and perspectives about our mortality. We have become such uncurious creatures as society modernizes when in reality it should help set our minds that much more free to wonder.
We have sent rovers to other planets. We have walked on the moon. We have satellites in deep space taking pictures of planets like Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Pluto, and the moons that surround them. It’s ok if we let go of the classic version of God we’ve been raised with. Our meaning should be rooted in better understanding our planet and the other planets in our galaxy. There are many that could host life! That’s fucking amazing!
We should embrace our ever growing world and use that as a reason to better understand humanity. We should all be travelers, curious about other cultures. Curious about how they live and their morals and values (we will find a lot of similarities on the fundamental levels).
Clearly I’m more connected to eastern philosophies than western and that’s because western tends to be rooted in violence and control (yes, there are plenty of eastern cultures that like to control their people as well. See previously stated contradictions statement). I have been spending more time during the pandemic re-learning about America’s founding history and what the lands were like before.
We are at a deep disadvantage for erasing the majority of the Native American peoples, destroying their lands, their history, and way of life. They lived more ethically and with a greater sense of equity in their communities. Men and women were much more equal. They were more intentional in their communities and relationship with the natural world. They had a symbiotic relationship with nature whereas modern humans are parasitic and we’re making the environment adapt to us as opposed to adapting to it. The consequences of that narrow-minded thinking is having detrimental effects on our communities through all sorts of natural disasters and catastrophic weather events. We think we own and control these lands. That’s not true and mother nature is making that pretty fucking obvious. At best we’re long-term renters.
As society continues to modernize we continue to create more connection across the planet. We act like we’re not all sharing the same environments but all these natural disasters and the pandemic show how linked we actually are. We’re too stupid to acknowledge that one community getting sick in a small village in China or Africa (using these two as recent examples) doesn’t have a deep impact on other parts of the world (it can!).
America has revealed itself as a third-world nation with failed government leadership (granted getting better under Biden but that’s only at the federal level). I’m going after Republicans here because they are worse offenders of this next part than Democrats (who do plenty wrong as well), but they denied science yet benefitting from scientific achievements in every major facet of our society (cars, infrastructure, smart phones, technology).
It’s fine if you don’t understand science. Admit that you don’t. It’s ok to not know everything. I don’t fully understand science (my transcripts would back that up) but I can discern what information is backed with facts and evidence and what is backed with faith and belief.
The world is fucking complicated yet we try to simplify it so our brains can comprehend it. We are not going to comprehend everything and that’s ok. We should all be more curious. And we should all be better caretakers of our collective home.
I would love to see “curiosity centers” (or something along those lines) that can serve as a community center of sorts for people like me who are looking for answers and haven’t found them in traditional religions. Places for us to commune together, philosophize about life, and take better care of our fellow humans and our home, the planet.
These could be community centers throughout major cities as well as facilities near national parks and wide open spaces. At these curiosity centers there could be bunkhouses for those in need and those who are spiritually lost and need a place to find refuge with like-minded thinkers. There could be greenhouses and vertical gardens to provide fresh food for the local community.
We could all be better stewards of our world and community. Personally, I would love to spend time cleaning up all the excess brush and downed trees that are all over the various forests and mountains in California. I know it won’t stop forest fires but it would allow me to do something to help make it a little better.
And imagine if we went and spent time in the wilderness cleaning it up. We could reconnect with our communal home. We would find some semblance of solace in nature. We would reconnect with the Earth. I firmly believe that the best stewards for the environment are the ones who spend so much time in it.
I think one of the challenges we face here in California is that there are a lot of people who want to help prevent forest fires but we don’t necessarily know how to do so. I will say here that I want to help. I would love to spend days periodically walking through the forests and picking up all the excess overgrowth.
I think if we could start a number of organizations that create pathways for us to help clean up our environment in simple ways that we could give a lot of people a renewed sense of purpose and fight a lot of mental health issues people are facing. As an individual there is only so much any one person can do, but if we unite under common cause and all work towards the same things (even doing so on an individual basis) we can create more of the change we want to see in the world.
I know this is rambling and all over the place. But that’s the nature of humanity.
I want to do more good for the world. I want to better understand the world. I want to help develop better connection across countries and races. There are so many things worth arguing and fighting over but I feel like we pick the stupidest ones because they’re the easiest to manipulate people with.
We think we have all the answers but we clearly do not. We should be on a never-ending quest to find them and be open to new ideas along the way. We should be trying to build each other up. If everyone has a dignified quality of life we will all be better for it.
We should hike up mountains (or I guess drive depending on your mobility level or height of the mountain) and stare across the expanse in front of us. It’s breathtaking. And we should really try to take better care of it and all the people living here. It’s worth it and we’ll all feel a lot better about it.
If you have similar thoughts and have gone through life feeling lost and alone, you’re not. If you want to connect and discuss these ideas I’m here and ready (Tell me what fascinates you!).
I don’t have all the answers but I love talking about the possibilities of what the answers could be.
(I am definitely a curious soul but also cynical enough to think the title of this essay is cheesy)
Addendum: I wrote this Essay on March 14th, the day before the Catholic Church said priests cannot bless gay marriages and unions and I want to say fuck the Catholic Church. That institution is archaic and stuck in the past with a belief system based on a book written by fallible men around 1700 years ago at the Council of Nicaea. They’re more concerned protecting their own financial interests than their congregants. Where are all the pizza gate and Q Anon people when it comes to the catholic church? You’re very conveniently letting that organization with a well-documented history of pedophilia off the hook. It’s almost like your movement is all bullshit.
People accept hateful organizations that do serious harm (and in this instance to kids and oppressed groups) because they do not want to reckon with their religious institutions moral failings. The world is scary and sometimes some really bad shit happens to good people. It sucks and is gut-wrenching. I don’t have the answers but I’m searching for them. If you feel your moral compass isn’t lining up with these outdated institutions anymore please know that you are not alone in this quest for truth. I’m looking for them too. We can talk about ideas and search together.
@g3kiefer 